Purpose and Affirmation

Yesterday during lunch, God and I had a little discussion. It consisted of me being frustrated with the purpose of life. Not just life in general, but my life. Through some of the things I've been reading lately, I'm seeing the world in terms of people groups, not individual people. This made me angry with God (or more specifically, angry at my lack of understanding) that he has created the world in a way where large groups of people matter, but individuals don't so much. Repeatedly, I thought of the people we never hear about - 13 year old Israelite girls who wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, 11 year old girls in the middle of the Congo who are caring for all of their family during a war, etc. The people that God allows to be tortured and suffer, along with their families. For what?

Then back to me - where do I fit in this world? What is my part besides living every day, attempting to pay off my school debt, and being kind to the people around me? Is there really any point to it all? Combine these thoughts with my own insecurities, and I was feeling just plain lost and frustrated.

Last night I went to my final CASA training. The last few weeks have been glorious as I've gone through this training. As time-consuming as it was, each class just filled me with joy as I saw that this is what brings me joy and fills my soul with passion. So at the last class a few things happened. There was a poem. Written in spanish, translated into English. As the only Spanish speaker in the room, I read it out loud, and was greatly encouraged when one of the CASA employeers pulled me aside and expressed that I speak beautiful spanish. Where did I learn it? This is going to be so good and helpful.
Fast forward 30 minutes to a group activity.

We were practing parts of a investigating a case. The group was to select a spokesperson to deliver the rest of the information. When we sat down to get started, the first thing someone said was "before we even get started I think Kyla needs to be our spokesperson, so let's just get that out of the way now". Okay, this might seem small, but felt significant. The last few weeks I've been slowly gaining confidence in my abilities, and only a few minutes before the group had eloquently given my thoughts about the quote "Work for justice, act with mercy". I have been affirmed over and over through this class that this is the field I was created to work in.
Sense of purpose? Affirmation and love from God?
I think He deserves some credit on this one. Father, thank you for loving me enough to give me affirmation and encouragement exactly when I need and ask for it.

Calling

Career v. Calling
Job v. Vocation

What can I do with this moment?

If God has called me to something, nothing in the world will stop that from happening.

Pray.

Don't force life to happen.

Experience.

Journal.

Engage in conversation.

I'm busy thinking about a lot of things these days. Nothing new, I suppose, since my mind is always traveling faster than my body. After a conversation with a friend over dinner last night, I was reminded of some of the thoughts above. Did you know there is a difference between job and vocation? These are all thoughts I've had before, but that have been lost somewhere in the weeds along the path I've been on the last year.

It's been a rough one, the last year. For many of us. Life continues to suprise us. When we think we've got everything figured out, something new creeps into the pathway. What great joy it is to accept what each day has to offer. It's so easy for me to be frustrated or anxious about what I don't know. It's nice when a friend gently encourages me with a reminder, in a new way, that I live for Christ. And He loves me.

Things I'm Thinking About

Here are a few (okay, many) things I've been thinking about:

- How little I know about what it really means to be healthy

- What does it mean to not run away

- Sometimes it's okay to run away.

- February looks like a good month to buy a house

- Should I buy a car first

- I question the sanity of all persons running for President

- I am really sick of DTRs

- I need to finish that grad school application

- I'll study for the GRE...tomorrow

- Finally, I'm doing things I've always wanted to

- Time for the yearly read of The Alchemist

- My best friend lives too far away

- What does it truly mean to live for today

- How do I love and support those that are close to me

when they make decicions that are opposite my beliefs

- What's for dinner?

Job Searching

So, I'm in the middle of searching for a "real" job right now. Working at Applebee's as their favorite hostess helps to keep me busy and brings in some money, but I moved here to work with at-risk teens. There aren't many of those at Applebee's, although my coworkers definitely have their issues (don't we all?).

I have sent out only a dozen resumes, and have kind of burnt out the last two weeks. There is a place I want to work for, but I haven't heard back from them yet (and yes, I followed-up). Then there is the place who offered me a job....I should probably pursue that a little more. However, the administrator made it very clear that working there would not be the place for me. Then there's....the third place. A place where I could probably get a job if I chased after it. After visiting the program though, I'm not so sure that it is a program I can support.

Here is where YOU come in. Please leave me a comment and let me know what your opinion is. Should I accept a job because it's a job, and some experience, or should I hold out for something that I can support and be happy doing, even if that doesn't come along quickly?