Purpose and Affirmation

Yesterday during lunch, God and I had a little discussion. It consisted of me being frustrated with the purpose of life. Not just life in general, but my life. Through some of the things I've been reading lately, I'm seeing the world in terms of people groups, not individual people. This made me angry with God (or more specifically, angry at my lack of understanding) that he has created the world in a way where large groups of people matter, but individuals don't so much. Repeatedly, I thought of the people we never hear about - 13 year old Israelite girls who wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, 11 year old girls in the middle of the Congo who are caring for all of their family during a war, etc. The people that God allows to be tortured and suffer, along with their families. For what?

Then back to me - where do I fit in this world? What is my part besides living every day, attempting to pay off my school debt, and being kind to the people around me? Is there really any point to it all? Combine these thoughts with my own insecurities, and I was feeling just plain lost and frustrated.

Last night I went to my final CASA training. The last few weeks have been glorious as I've gone through this training. As time-consuming as it was, each class just filled me with joy as I saw that this is what brings me joy and fills my soul with passion. So at the last class a few things happened. There was a poem. Written in spanish, translated into English. As the only Spanish speaker in the room, I read it out loud, and was greatly encouraged when one of the CASA employeers pulled me aside and expressed that I speak beautiful spanish. Where did I learn it? This is going to be so good and helpful.
Fast forward 30 minutes to a group activity.

We were practing parts of a investigating a case. The group was to select a spokesperson to deliver the rest of the information. When we sat down to get started, the first thing someone said was "before we even get started I think Kyla needs to be our spokesperson, so let's just get that out of the way now". Okay, this might seem small, but felt significant. The last few weeks I've been slowly gaining confidence in my abilities, and only a few minutes before the group had eloquently given my thoughts about the quote "Work for justice, act with mercy". I have been affirmed over and over through this class that this is the field I was created to work in.
Sense of purpose? Affirmation and love from God?
I think He deserves some credit on this one. Father, thank you for loving me enough to give me affirmation and encouragement exactly when I need and ask for it.

Calling

Career v. Calling
Job v. Vocation

What can I do with this moment?

If God has called me to something, nothing in the world will stop that from happening.

Pray.

Don't force life to happen.

Experience.

Journal.

Engage in conversation.

I'm busy thinking about a lot of things these days. Nothing new, I suppose, since my mind is always traveling faster than my body. After a conversation with a friend over dinner last night, I was reminded of some of the thoughts above. Did you know there is a difference between job and vocation? These are all thoughts I've had before, but that have been lost somewhere in the weeds along the path I've been on the last year.

It's been a rough one, the last year. For many of us. Life continues to suprise us. When we think we've got everything figured out, something new creeps into the pathway. What great joy it is to accept what each day has to offer. It's so easy for me to be frustrated or anxious about what I don't know. It's nice when a friend gently encourages me with a reminder, in a new way, that I live for Christ. And He loves me.

What's my reaction time?

Psalm 86:15
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Seriously, how does he do that?
There are so many times that the Bible mentions the word Anger. This must be a real issue for us mortals. I'm learning about my anger tonight. I'm not an angry person by nature, but there are certain things that really set me off. Then once I'm angry, I'm extremely angry. Although thankfully, it doesn't take long for me to cool down. I just have to talk it out once with one person for 20 minutes or so and I'm good.

I'm angry when someone hurts another person and I see it happen. I'm angry if it's out of my control. I want to say something, to change or fix the situation, but sometimes we just can't do that. I'm angry when someone acts purposefully to hurt another. And once I'm angry - watch out! I'm extremely angry and am not afraid to say something hurtful. How hypocritical.

Luke 6:42
How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

I'm not sure where to draw the line between admitting that I have done something wrong, and pointing out another person's wrongs. Sometimes people just don't know that they've been an idiot. If you don't know, I'd be glad to point it out. However, that won't always help, will it. Just like I had to figure out my stupid mistakes for myself, you'll have to figure out your own. I just wish we could all save each other some heartache by trusting each other enough to be truthful and facilitate great change.

Hebrews 3:12-14 (Darby Translation)

12See, brethren, lest there be in any one of you a wicked heart of unbelief, in turning away from [the] living God. 13But encourage yourselves each day, as long as it is called To-day, that none of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. 14For we are become companions of the Christ if indeed we hold the beginning of the assurance firm to the end;

*biblegateway.com